Cabbage Patch Kid Fail

cabbage patch kid

My wonderful sister Heather is guest blogging for me today! She has had quite the adventure with Christmas shopping this year! Cabbage Patch Kid fails abound! Here is her side of the Cabbage Patch Kid drama!

Christmas shopping stresses me out. Actually any gifting event stresses me out: weddings, birthdays, anniversaries, the birth of a baby. And not just like regular stress – like I hate to gift shop, and I suck at it. I wish everyone just wanted a gift card.

So Jess emails me a few weeks ago with a link to the item that Sylas wants from me for Christmas. It is an African-American Cabbage Patch kid. He’s a super cute doll, with a really bright blue, yellow, and white stripped jacket, matching blue glasses, and yellow shoes. He even has a blue streak in his hair to accent the glasses! Watch out, Barbie, the Cabbage Patch kids are getting trendy! So I go to Toys ‘R Us today to pick up Sylas’ doll, and let me tell you, that doll was not black. I picked up the display box and studied him for a bit. His hair was not African-American at all – it was stick straight and shiny. And that damn blue streak! Seriously! None of the other dolls have color streaked hair! I turned to the young lady next to me in the aisle and asked her if she thought the doll was black, and she said, “Ummm, maybe Mexican???” Ok, really? Why label a doll African-American, if clearly he is not? He was a light-skinned wanna be black Mexican doll. Needless to say, I left Toys ‘R Us without the doll.

So I texted Jess about this non-black African-American Mexican Cabbage Patch kid. My concern is that he won’t be ‘brown’ enough for Sylas (that is what he refers to himself as, brown). So Jess sends me a picture of a truly black Cabbage Patch kid from the Official Cabbage Patch website. He has dark brown skin, longer curly, dreaded hair. You want to take a stab at what his name is? Or how much they charge for that doll? Apparently Cabbage Patch thinks that African-American dolls need African-American names and need to be double the price of other Cabbage Patch kids. His name is Imaran. Yes, Imaran. How is that even pronounced? What does it mean? Is that even a name? I’ll leave the name thing alone, as I have come to the conclusion that people will name their children whatever they want, replace i’s with e’s and y’s and add syllables and consonants, or just make up a name. But really, why couldn’t his name be David?

The price of this doll is really what bothers me. First off, I failed to mention how many African-American Cabbage Patch kids were at Toys ‘R Us today when I went. Two. One boy and one girl (and the girl just so happened to have pink streaks in her hair!). Now, remember, I previously classified these dolls as light-skinned wanna be black Mexican dolls. However, they did not have any truly Mexican or Asian dolls either. I understand that I am in Wichita, KS, so the demand for these races of dolls may be slim, but the point is, in order for a parent or family member to buy a race specific Cabbage Patch kid for their child, they have to order online, and pay twice as much. And just so you know, the small print on the official website indicated that the BabyLand Exclusive Cabbage Patch kid does not come in a display box. Just take another jab at me Cabbage Patch!

I just wanted to buy my Sylas a black Cabbage Patch kid, is that too much to ask?! And damnit, I want that doll to be black, not a light-skinned wanna be black Mexican doll! And I didn’t want to pay double for that real black Cabbage Patch kid!

Just so you know, I’m buying Sylas a real black Cabbage Patch kid, paying double the price, and he won’t come in a display box. But at least, in Sylas’ words, “he’s brown like me!”

Heather is an amazing aunt to Sylas! When she isn’t shopping for actual black dolls she can be found in the jewelry or clothing section of any other store. She is an intelligent fashionista with a huge heart for her family. Yes gentlemen she is single. Feel free to contact me to apply for an opportunity to date her. We are just a bit protective of her!

If you would like for all races of Cabbage Patch dolls to be equal in price and packaging please feel free to contact Cabbage Patch Kids here.

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  1. Debbie Smith says

    I have a black black cabbage doll Tim and I bought at the original cabbage patch in Georgia. No streaks in the hair they did not do that in 1992 but no box.

    • Jessie says

      That’s so cool Debbie! I don’t have my original cabbage patch doll anymore but I sure remember how excited I was to get her!

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