The truth about children

We all love our children. We all think they are beautiful adorable creatures. They are snuggly and funny and entertaining. All of those things are true. Yet something else is true as well.

Children are jerks! Pint-sized humans with total jerk like tendencies!

You may be a new parent so you might not believe me. It is quite hard to believe that the sweet precious newborn you are holding will someday grow into a jerk. But they will. Faster than you can ever imagine.

Here is proof. Photographic evidence of a jerk child.


It is a freezing cold day today. It snowed. It was windy. I felt bad that my precious boy may be a bit chilly when he got home. So I made him brownies from scratch. Ha! That’s a lie. I made him brownies from a box but I stirred them with love. I even timed the brownie baking perfectly so they were fresh from the oven when the bus pulled up.

I gave him a plate with two fresh warm brownies on it. We chatted about his day and then I went to start a load of laundry. During our conversation I told him I was going to wait to have a brownie after dinner. I come back from starting the laundry and putting a clean load away and find the above pan of brownies. Seriously! Children are jerks.

All he left me were the hard outside parts of the brownies. The no good parts. The mom portion of brownies. It reminded me of my own childhood. My mom always swore the hard edges were her favorite part of the brownies. Guess what I found out when she was dying. She liked the soft gooey middle part! She lied all those years and let us have the good part. Then when she was dying she confessed and ate the good part for the first time ever.

My child isn’t the only jerk. I was a jerk child too!

Still don’t believe your sweet little one will grow up and turn into a jerk kid. Here is a little more photographic evidence.


This is my winter coat. Do you notice something strange about my coat? Perhaps that there is only one button? Hmmm! Where in the world did all the other buttons go? My child bit the buttons off of my winter coat! Yes he seriously chewed the buttons off of my coat. He will come up and hug me and bite down on the buttons. He will sit in the chair my coat hangs on and chew on the buttons. And before I could say, “Sylas, don’t chew my buttons” 172 times he had eaten them all off. Did I mention it is cold today?

Children are jerks!

Since his coat only has a zipper and I don’t feel like chewing that off I did the only thing I could think of to pay him back. I waited patiently outside the bathroom door for him to come out and then jumped out and attacked him with a roll of wrapping paper. I scared the heck out of him!

I’m still not convinced we are even.

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